Life...Hurts..with no body to blame !!

How often do we feel that we don't get what we deserve? why the hell should i take anything that i really don't deserve?


There are so many questions which are so scary to answer which make me feel that i just exist on this universe. It is completely irritating to know that values are no more values , they are additional qualities which one may possess and being good is considered unnecessary with a caption "At your own Risk". Life has become more of a toil, where i need to work in a specific way because some one else likes to work so and it can no more be fun. Pointing fingers at others has become the quality/hallmark of managers, where do i find leaders? where do i find people whom i can look up to and think this is how i want to live my life.





Am i living in a society where nobody is good enough? there can never be such a society and this is a fact that i know, but still some how i am not ready to accept it. This is a case of heart over the mind, i myself have a lot of short comings which doesn't help either and to be frank this is the worst i have ever felt in my life about life. What do i do? life is definitely not good and i am doing nothing about it - may be just waiting for things to become better by itself which is a mere myth.


I was brought up in a family full of values with elders leading the way and kids growing up admiring them, for sure i have taken lots of things for granted and now when i turn back to realize that life hasn't changed much for me..may be it has turned a bit worse. I have changed so much that at time i feel that i have lost the ability to look at the "obvious" , forget about the "probable". What has changed me so much? i realize that i crib a lot about almost everything i know of and most of the times they cannot be justified. I feel deeply hurt when so much happens behind me and when i know so much happens for no reason, life can definitely be better with me moving out of this hell. I now realize that the already average individual in me is transforming into something lesser when i see the almost everyone goes down to any level when it comes to saving yourself. False propaganda, failing to stand up to what you believe in and making people think that " it was never me, but them" have made me feel so sick.



No body cares about virtues, no body cares about others as long as one can walk away safely with may be a feeling of sorry deep some where inside. I have never been a man of values completely as i know i have lied, have broken rules and have done things which i would not have done some other day. But i always was aware of it and knew that there is a long way to go to become a decent human being who is of some worth to this universe. I am not able to take it anymore, it haunts me, it has created a void in me and before it destroys me something has to be done. Fortunately i have a great family back home , a great fiance to have and some wonderful human beings as friends and when i think of them, it creates a positive energy in the otherwise hugely depressed individual, this is probably the tipping point as i now know what is wrong in me and what is wrong in the rest of the world, at least my current society.

I should have never left this grow so much on me, but yes, waiting for things to happen hampers life so much that you sometimes realize that you are no more good, but acting so in front of others.

Life definitely hurts when you let it hurt !!